Cold feet. Brides get them. Grooms get them. But very few know what to do about them other than ignore them, devote themselves to planning the wedding, and hope the cold feet go away. Usually this does the trick because cold feet are usually nothing more than simple nerves caused by your committing to a huge life change. Who wouldn’t be a little nervous? In fact, cold feet are only really worrisome when they don’t go away quickly.
What you may be wondering is how do you know that the pre-wedding anxiety you’re feeling is cold feet and not something more. The easy answer is that cold feet shouldn’t be ignored if they stick around for more than a week or are so intense that they keep you from planning your wedding. Basically, think of cold feet like you would depression (not that they’re the same thing, mind) and seek help if your cold feet prevent you from enjoying your life.
As to what you can do about cold feet, you could ignore them if you really wanted to in the hope they will go away. That doesn’t always work, however. If you’re just feeling nervous without being able to pinpoint a specific reason, you probably have a case of regular cold feet. Then again, maybe a little introspection wouldn’t hurt. What is it, do you think, that you’re afraid of? Losing your own identity? Standing up in front of 100+ people at the wedding? Flubbing your vows?
If you have an idea why you’re feeling anxious, you should definitely talk to someone. We recommend having a chat with your mom or best friend, not your SO. Why? Imagine how you’d feel if he came to you and told you that he was feeling anxious about marrying you! So let your SO hang tight for now and spill your guts to someone you care about and trust.
When is it not cold feet? We would hesitate to tell you exactly when cold feet mean there’s a real problem, but as mentioned above, cold feet that don’t go away or get worse over time can be a cause for concern. Another warning sign is that all the people who love you are cautioning you not to go through with it. Sure, sometimes brides and grooms really do have family who want to sabotage a perfectly good match, but we don’t think that happens that often. If everyone you know hates your beau, it may be time to take a second look.
And finally, please, please, please acknowledge your cold feet if you know for sure that you have misgivings over something your intended has done or some aspect of their personality. We’re talking stuff like drug use or emotional amuse, not quit his job to take a lower-paid job. When it’s a case of cold feet where the misgivings are grounded in the reality of your situation, we recommend talking to someone you trust and seeing a therapist.
Of course, talking to a therapist even when your case of cold feet is relatively mild can be a big help, and certainly can’t hurt! You may just learn something about yourself that you never knew in addition to warming up those pesky feet!
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