We think that the best part about writing for TeamWed is answering reader mail! Brides and grooms and bridesmaids from just about everywhere write to us to have their wedding planning questions answered all the time nowadays, so you can imagine we have a bit of a blacklog of queries. We’re working on it, though, so expect to see regular features in which we get to the bottom of your questions. Here’s one that we get at least once a week:
I’m getting married next year, and my fiance and I have chosen to have a big wedding party. I mean BIG! It’ll be an uneven wedding party, too, with fourteen bridesmaids on my side and ten groomsmen on his. Don’t worry; our ceremony venue can handle it, thank God. My question is what are we supposed to pay for when it comes to our wedding attendants? Back when I got engaged, I dreamed about paying for my bridesmaids’ dresses, shoes, and jewelry, but it’s not looking like that will be possible. The same goes for the groomsmen and their tuxedos. Some of our bridesmaids and groomsmen are coming from out of town, and we wanted to put them up for at least one night (our reception venue is a hotel) but again, our budget is getting in the way. So what do we HAVE to pay for? — BeeSmart
Before we answer Bee’s question, can we just let out a collective whistle? Because that is a lot of wedding attendants! Not that there’s anything wrong with that, especially if the ceremony venue is big enough to hold them all without anyone having to stand on anyone else’s feet. Kudos to Bee and her groom for having the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen *they* want to have, even if it means having uneven sides and causing some people to do double-takes during the processional!
Now on to her query. The short answer is that the bridesmaids and groomsmen (and maid of honor and best man) traditionally shoulder all their own expenses, from the bridesmaids’ dresses to the best man’s tuxedo to the services of the stylist to the hotel where everyone will be staying. On top of that, the attendants are usually on the hook for the bridal shower and the bachelor party, and sometimes even for a bachelorette party or multiple showers. What can we say? It’s not easy being a wedding attendant, and woe unto those who have so many friends that they’re being asked to stand at the altar six or more times each year.
This means Bee doesn’t really HAVE to pay for any of her bridesmaids’ expenses if she doesn’t want to or can’t afford it. However, if she can afford to pay for a little something, like earring and necklace sets for her bridesmaids or the services of the hair stylist and makeup artist for the whole wedding party, she should definitely do that. As for the hotel accommodations, if Bee or Bee’s family can’t afford to put the out-of-town bridesmaids up for the night, perhaps they can at least work out a deal for a discounted block of rooms with the hotel… or even offer to put the out-of-town bridesmaids up for the night so they don’t have to worry about accommodations at all!
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