One of the first things any bride-to-be must do, right after joyfully calling mom to announce her engagement and then changing her relationship status on Facebook, is decide just who will stand beside her as she says her vows. As you might imagine, it’s not always the easiest decision in the world to make. Unless the wedding ceremony will be held in a cathedral that can accommodate a very large bridal party, the spots are limited. If the bride-to-be has a lot of close friends or a bunch of sisters, things can get even hairier. And you’d think that a groom who wants a huge number of groomsmen would make the bridesmaid selection easier, but what if the bride-to-be wants a symmetrical wedding party but just doesn’t have enough girlfriends?
So first things first — how should the bride-to-be choose her bridesmaids? There are no right or wrong choices, of course, though we at TeamWED would suggest not choosing bridesmaids on the basis of obligation alone. In other words, just because someone asked you to be a bridesmaid in her wedding does not mean that you have to invite her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. Is it nice to return the favor? Sure, but it’s nonetheless not necessary. We also recommend that you not choose your bridesmaids simply because they are family or a part of your spouse-to-be’s family. While it would be sweet of you to include your future sister-in-law, only do so if you and she are actually on good terms. You can’t create or repair a meh relationship by including someone in the bridal party, and you might even make things worse!
Who should the bride-to-be choose to populate her party? Friends, beloved sisters, close relatives… heck, even her mom if she really wants to! And naturally, while we have been calling the bride’s attendants bridesmaids and implying that they’re ladies, there’s no reason why the bride-to-be can’t choose a man of honor and bridesmen instead of a maid of honor and bridesmaids.
After the bride-to-be has chosen her bridesmaids, the next thing she must do is ask those she has chosen to be a part of the bridal party. There are a few ways she can do this. There is, of course, the old standard method, which is asking directly via telephone or email. If the bride-to-be spends a lot of time with her chosen bridesmaids, they may already have an inkling that they’re on the wedding party roster. Presumably the bride-to-be knows her prospective bridesmaids well enough to know that they will say yes, but she should prepare herself for the fact that one might say no. Sometimes, logistics will prevent a potential bridesmaid from attending (and thus participating in) the wedding. A potential bridesmaids who is only just pregnant may not feel comfortable committing to be in the bridal party when her due date falls around the wedding date. And some people may simply not have the time or money to devote to being a bridesmaid. If you get a negative response, try not to be offended, since it’s likely that no offense was intended.
Other ways of asking your sisters and gal pals to be your bridesmaid include taking all potential ‘maids out to a special dinner where you ask them all at once and pre-printed Will You Be My Bridesmaids cards. They’re a bit silly, sure, but make for a great keepsake!
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