Yet another question we, the wedding experts of TeamWED, get asked with some frequency is “Just how much can I ask my bridesmaids to do with regard to their personal appearance?” We’re heard the myths about bridesmaid contracts that stipulate the repercussions of weight gain and brides-to-be who chose a round of Botox as her bridesmaid gifts, but we’re loathe to believe that they actually exist beyond the odd news story. We think that most brides are pretty cool when it comes to their bridesmaids. Some might ask their ‘maids to do a lot of busywork, but other than that, very few brides ever fire a bridesmaid!
The question remains, of course: What can the bride ask her bridesmaids to do when it comes to bridesmaids’ dresses, bridesmaids’ shoes, bridesmaids’ hairstyles, and accessories? Here’s a rundown for the unsure bride and the beleaguered bridesmaid:
Bridesmaids’ Dresses
The bride-to-be absolutely gets to dictate what her bridesmaids will wear, but how strict she is will be up to her. Some brides choose a particular dress that all the bridesmaids must then purchase and wear. This is still the most common way bridesmaids end up with their frocks. Other brides, however, choose a style or a color of dress (and often, a fabric) and then let their bridesmaids choose the dress that will look best. Sometimes the bride will add some rules like ‘no strapless dresses’ or ‘ankle length.’
Bridesmaids’ Shoes
Less frequently, the bride will choose a specific pair of shoes she wants her bridesmaids to wear. We recommend doing this only if you know all your ‘maids can afford and have access to your chosen shoe. More commonly, brides-to-be will tell their bridesmaids to wear black flats or silver heels and leave it up to the bridesmaids themselves to choose a shoe they already own or acquire a shoe that will match. Occasionally, a bride will give her bridesmaids the go-ahead to wear any shoes they want.
Bridesmaids’ Hairstyles
We feel that the bride can choose her bridesmaids’ hairstyles if and only if she is paying for the services of a stylist. The same goes for professionally applied makeup. Bridesmaids should be given leave to do their own hair and makeup if the bride or the bride’s family hasn’t secured a stylist, and consequently the bridesmaids should be allowed to choose hairstyles that they are capable of doing. However, we don’t think it’s unreasonable for the bride to ask that her ‘maids wear their hair up or down so everyone matches a bit if that’s the look she’s going for.
Bridesmaids’ Accessories
Again, we feel that the only time the bride should try to control her bridesmaids’ accessories is if she’s buying them. But that’s easy! The bride who has her heart set on seeing her ‘maids all lined up in a row with matching earrings and necklaces should buy them for the gals as their bridesmaids’ gifts and present them with their gifts on the night before the wedding. If you do this, make it clear that you want your bridesmaids to wear their gifts at the wedding.
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