Second weddings… the TeamWED gals decided to have a little brainstorming session about second weddings, also known as encore weddings, and these are some of the words that popped into our heads:
- Bridal suit
- Small wedding
- No gifts please
- Eloping
- Family wedding
- Older brides
- Simple ceremony
- Casual reception
And so on and so forth. Basically the second wedding we envisioned in our heads was small, casual, bland, and frankly, dull as dirt. Brides and grooms who want their second weddings to be understated affairs are one thing, but brides and grooms who feel pressured into having a tiny wedding because they’ve been married before are quite another. Society definitely pressured encore brides and encore grooms to keep things low key when they say their “I dos,” lest they be accused of flaunting their inability to succeed at marriage the first time around.
To that, we say “Excuse me?!” Putting aside the fact that some encore brides and encore grooms are widows or widowers, this isn’t the 1950s anymore. A huge number of people now believe that it’s healthier to leave a bad marriage than to stay trapped in it to avoid nasty comments from judgmental people. So assuming for a moment that there’s nothing wrong with marrying a second (or third or whatever) time, why does one’s encore wedding have to be a staid and quiet occasion?
Answer: It doesn’t. There’s absolutely no reason in the world that a second-time bride has to wear an understated bridal suit instead of a big beautiful wedding gown. She can even, contrary to the old advice, wear white if she really wants to. The notion that wearing white was reserved for virgins went out the window a long, looooong time ago. And second-time brides and second-time grooms can plan a big blowout wedding if they really want to since they can frequently afford it, what with being older and more established in their careers.
We say that anything goes, within the realms of good taste of course. You may get a few disapproving comments from select friends or relatives, especially those in the older crowd who grew up with different ideas about how divorced women and men behave, but don’t let the opinions of what is certainly a minority keep you from having the wedding you really want. This goes double or triple for those second-time brides and second-time grooms who are marrying people who have never before been married. It wouldn’t be at all nice to deny them the traditional nuptial experience just because their first ever wedding happens to be your encore wedding. Be as fabulous as you want to be!
But do keep one thing in mind when planning an encore wedding! Try to be just a tad conscientious when drawing up your guest list. While you may be good friends with your ex or tremendously tight with your former in-laws, your intended (or their family) may not relish the idea of having to shake hands with people from your “past life” in the receiving line. Plus, as close as you are with your ex, they can feel a tad uncomfortable — let’s call it wistful — watching you pledge your undying fidelity to the new love of your life.
Good luck, and congrats to all the second-time brides!
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