When approached with questions about bridal showers, most of us here at TeamWED think something along the lines of “Ah, bridal showers… what’s not to like?” There’s cake, maybe some champagne. Conversation full of gossip and giggling. It’s a serious girly fest. What’s not to like, indeed! A few of us, however, could think of a few things not to like.
The attention, for one. Some brides-to-be just do not want to be the center of attention. It’s bad enough for these introverts to have to say their vows in front of a crowd! When it comes to being the guest of honor at a party, they’d rather say no thanks. Then there’s the practice of opening gifts in front of the bridal shower guests. Someone always brings something hideous or weird. One person spends a ton and another person buys shrimp forks. And the games *shudder*. Bridal shower games can be terribly humiliating for the bride-to-be, especially when they’re the sort that ask personal questions or focus on s-e-x.
Which brings us to the question: Must an unwilling bride-to-be subject herself to the indignities of a bridal shower if it’s not in her nature to do so? TeamWED says no, but with some caveats. The bride can politely ask her bridesmaids well in advance of any possible bridal shower to please not throw one. She can also spread the word among her coworkers that she’d prefer not to be the guest of honor at an office shower. And she can ask her mom and her best friend to let others know that her taste in pre-wedding parties does not lean toward bridal showers. But that’s about it. She can neither say “I want this sort of shower” nor say “Cancel the shower you’ve already planned.” Above all, she should be kind and gracious no matter what.
Here’s the nitty-gritty on bridal showers:
Necessary? No.
Bridal showers are traditionally a way for the female relatives and friends of the bride-to-be to shower her with gifts, usually gifts somehow associated with the domestic sphere. Back in the day, the bridal shower gifts helped the newlyweds (who’d both presumably been living at home with their parents aaaaand saving themselves for marriage) set up a functioning household. Think pots and pans and towels and bed sheets. Today’s brides and grooms have usually been living out in the world on their own before tying the knot, so they’re not exactly lacking when it comes to domestic essentials. Either way, no one needs a shower. Guests will send gifts prior to the wedding in most cases whether there is a bridal shower or not.
Do I Have to Go?
In cases where the bridesmaids or maid of honor have already sent out invitations to a surprise bridal shower and you, the bride, have found out about it, yes. Not attending would be the sickest of burns. But you can avoid having to suck it up and party in the first place by making your feelings about bridal showers known in advance.
Let Them Down Gently
If you’ve been seriously dating your fiance for a long, long time, your best friend or sister or even future sister-in-law may have been waiting just as long to finally give you a bridal shower. Now that you’re finally engaged, the planning may have already begun! To avoid both hurt feelings and having to attend a bridal shower that you never actually wanted, make your feelings clear from the beginning. Don’t just spout off about how much you hate bridal showers, however. That could cause hurt feelings. Instead, consider what alternate pre-wedding party you might want… a stag and doe night? An engagement party? If these appeal to you at all, drop some very strong hints around those most likely to surprise you with a bridal shower.
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