There are as many ways to say “I do” as there are to say “I love you,” and no one set of wedding vows is better or worse than any other. Many brides and grooms go the traditional route and recite wedding vows that are the same as those said by their parents and their parents’ parents, down through the annuls of history. These are usually religious wedding vows, though they can be secular in nature if the bride and groom belong to a cultural group that practices civil marriage.
More and more, however, brides and grooms want to personalize their ceremonies by writing wedding vows themselves instead of using vows written by others. Writing wedding vows is a wonderful way to customize your wedding ceremony without straying too far from the traditional wedding ceremony. However, those brides and grooms who aren’t writers by nature may find they have trouble writing wedding vows. It can be difficult to start and even harder to finish!
We’ve put together a short list of tips to help you when you’re writing wedding vows so that you don’t get writer’s block or end up saying something that’s not quite what you hoped to say. Enjoy, and good luck!
1. First, ask yourself whether you want to repeat the same vows or write individual vows. If you plan to write one set of vows, consider reciting them together, simultaneously. You will, of course, want to write them together with your spouse-to-be, so make this a high priority wedding planning to-do list item. Each of you should first brainstorm about your relationship, then compare notes so you’re both represented in your shared wedding vows.
2. On the other hand if you’re writing wedding vows separately to speak to one another, you and your intended should start by figuring out some ground rules. Some couples, for example, will include humor or personal stories in their vows while others wouldn’t think of doing so. You don’t want to write wedding vows that will upset your SO! If you think you might be uncomfortable with your fiance or fiancee including certain information in his or her vows, let them know.
3. When you’re ready to write, brainstorm! Think about how you met, when you decided you loved your SO, the things you’ve experienced together, how you felt when you got engaged, and what you love best about your spouse-to-be. If you plan to include anecdotes in your vows, consider what you might include. Finally, think about where you expect your relationship to be in five years, ten years, and twenty years.
4. Now it’s time to start writing wedding vows. Have any quotes, lyrics, or scriptures you want to include handy, as well as your notes. Begin with a heartfelt salutation like “My love” or “My heart.” Then describe what they mean to you, emotionally and practically. Next, talk briefly about your history as a couple and how your life has changed for the better since meeting your SO. Describe the moment you realized you were in love. Finally, talk about what love and marriage mean to you, now and in the future. What are you looking forward to?
5. Once your vows are written, you may need to show them to your officiant if you’re getting married in a house of worship or other ceremony venue with rules about wedding vows. Some states require that you include certain phrases in your wedding vows, but you won’t be limited to only those vows. You may want to share your vows with your spouse-to-be, but TeamWED suggests you don’t. It’s a lot of fun to surprise your intended with the wedding vows you’ve written yourself.
(Photo by cliff1066)
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